| Valentine's Day |
[14 Feb 2005|02:37pm] |
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bouncy |
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Wasted Youth - .... |
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"You can't runt away forever
But theres nothing with getting a headstart."
Well, It's Valentine's Day and I actually got a few gifts. A poem and a journal entry (I really liked the poem) from Ian, A rose from Travis, two roses from my dad, two carnations from Helen, one from Aaron...I think that's it. Yeah. 6 flowers a poem and a journal.
And I'm somebodies Valentine! ^^ which is a big deal because I'm usually all alone and cry and such.
I came home early today. Got off of school early because I wasn't feeling well. I'm feeling a little better now but not so great, all the same.
Been obsessing over the song "Wasted Youth" By...dundundun does anyone know? If you do comment and you get a special present.
Oh, if you go to http://deKAy32.deviantart.com and get pageview 3,333 you get either a poem written just for you or a print of one of my photos, either one you choose.
For free, yay. =D
I'm off. Lots of Love on this lovey day.
-Her
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| ...o_o |
[19 Jan 2005|05:16pm] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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Dishwasher |
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It shocks me how different I act sometimes. It's like I'm not just me...I'm many people. Thus, these 'different sides of me' some of you have heard me talk about. Everyone owns a different peice...everyone holds tightly to that peice, or, if that peice is pain or suffering I've brought them, I appolgize and hope you can let go.
I read a friend of mines journal today, and he wrote about how I snapped him. Well, not literally...but he couldn't feel, he was emotionless. Well, I changed that. One night I got really upset and started yelling and screaming at him, crying at him for all of this, and we got into this huge fight...and he snapped. He could feel again. -snaps fingers- Just. Like. That.
Jason's back. He forgave me on New Years and now he's back in my life. Shocks the hell outta me. I didn't think he'd ever want to talk to me again...apparntly I was wrong. Footsie dreams...heh. His family can't know we're talking, though, because they all dispise me. Much. Very much. Ah, well, I don't know.
He read this not to long ago. Then when we talked, he asked me who Mike was. After all those months he remembered my name on live journal? Wow...
Shocks me.
<3
-Her
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| Hmm... |
[12 Jan 2005|12:14pm] |
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mood |
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 intimidated |
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Silence |
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No body reads this anymore, its as good as a private journal. I don't have links to it flashing it off and such, that's only dA now. I have my other journal on livejournal, here, but Ben knows about that.
I had a nightmare last night. -Shudders- It wasn't a nightmare...exactly when it happened, but it happened. I don't know, I just hated it.
Mike was in it.
And I was a cheerleader.
-= She tossed her blonde hair over her shoulder and attempted to do the cheer that the other female cheerleader was doing. It was her first time, and she and the other cheerleader had become best friends. There were only two girls and like 10 guys. So they were the center of attention.
After the cheer was over, they both walked over to get a drink. She saw HIM. She stared for a moment, shocked that he would show up at a place like this. He saw her and smiled. Quickly, she walked away with her water.
A few minutes later she was standing alone, and he came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her and grabbing her ass. Her eyes widened and she spun around, spilling her water onto the ground.
"M-mike!? What are you doing...!?" He grinned at her.
"Told you I'd do it again sometime." And he walked off. But she couldn't shake the feeling of him having his arms around her again. The warmth, the comfort...but she shook her head.
She had to get out.-=
I guess I'm afraid I'll go back to him. I guess I'm scared if he comes to me, I will go back. Because I'm a stupid idiot and I'm not angry anymore. They made me talk to him, THEY MADE ME TALK TO HIM.
Ugh...I hasta shower. Be back later. Maybe.
-Her
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| Forever and A Day |
[30 Dec 2004|09:39pm] |
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mood |
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 blank |
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music |
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Newest Burned CD (Scars - Papa Roach) |
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It's been forever and a day since I really made a journal entry in this. Oh, well. I use http://deKAy32.deviantart.com now, anyway. So, hah.
I love the colors on this font, though....
Do you know what you've done?
Another fight I've lost you've won
I'm throwing a fit but you can't see me
I'm growing up and you can't feel me
My strength has risen but so has yours
I'll curl in a ball and bury my love in the core
The core of my heart of the core of my soul?
It could be my mind for all I know
I don't pay attention but neither do you
Why isn't this information getting through?
I'm done with you I'm done with this
I'm climbing back to the light in your dark abyss.
-Her
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| O_O |
[15 Aug 2004|10:48pm] |
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mood |
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 angry |
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Journey - Any Way You Want It |
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OH MY GOD!
Joshua Matthew Scheringer decided that the photomanipulation and calling me things wasn't enough retaliation for wanting him out of my life, and so now he's gone on this, knowing the password (he helped me with past redos) and changing EVERYTHING. And now, I can't change it back because I've no idea what the hell I'm doing! DAMNIT!
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| Questionable |
[15 Aug 2004|10:35pm] |
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mood |
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 worried |
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music |
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Journey - The Wheel In The Sky |
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I really did love this picture before. Now I think that ish a bit...bad. I don't like it very much anymore.
I have a question. Can you love someone...I mean...truly love someone...and fall out of love? Or, does falling out of love mean that it was just a crush?
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[14 Aug 2004|12:53am] |
figured since you wanted me out of your life you would want all my favors out too. normally i wouldnt but since you decided to blame me for every immature 7th grade prank that goes on i might as well take every trace of myself away
delete this i dont care. but i thought you might like an explanation.
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| Picture |
[12 Aug 2004|01:26am] |
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mood |
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 calm |
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music |
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Yellowcard |
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Yeah.
Me.
12.
You may not call me 'cute' because it's a bad word.
Kthx.
Have a nice fucking day. -.-
~Her
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[11 Aug 2004|06:40pm] |
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mood |
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Meh |
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music |
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That high-pitched sound that the grill makes |
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Your Misery - # 42 - 8/11/04
Pushing, pushing me,
This way, that way,
I know that I can't be the only one that can see,
Your medication isn't working today,
Did you even bother putting that shit into you?
If you hid it or lost it, it wouldn't be anything new.
Pulling, pulling me,
Why the fuck can't you let me be?
They'll never tear us apart,
But why the hell do you care?
You don't care,
Is this only the start?
[I've been chosen to deal with your misery,
I am frozen in place watching the debris,
Caused by us,
Fall down around me]
~CMD
Just a poem I wrote today. Meh.
Do you know that feeling you ge,t like someone is upset and they're hiding something from you? Even when you try and try and try to find out what it is, they still won't tell you. Sometimes it's something and you feel horrible that you weren't trusted, and sometimes there isn't anything and you feel all horrible and embarressed that you worried about nothing.
I still don't know which kind of horrible I'm going to feel this time.
~Her
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| Poetry. |
[09 Aug 2004|01:15pm] |
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mood |
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 artistic |
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music |
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Sugarcult |
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They suck, I know. If you aren't interested, don't read. Some are angry, some are sad, some are plain fucking sappy. Again, if you aren't interested, don't read.
I Miss - #38 - 8/4/04
I miss everything you say,
and everything you said,
I miss how you always got your way,
and how I dreamt of you while sleeping in bed,
I miss the plans we used to make,
and haw we throught we could do anything,
I miss the simple ache,
of missing listening to you sing,
I miss your dreams,
I miss our love,
I miss everything stated above.
Do you miss it, too?
Because I sure as hell miss you.
~CMD
Darkness - # 18 - 5/21/04
Darkness,
It overwhelms,
Heartless,
Bastards are still around.
Itching,
Scratching,
Bitching,
Detaching,
Myself,
From you,
It's all I could think to do.
Always there,
Never alone,
Life's not fair,
(have you) Ever known,
The pain,
No gain,
I'm sane, I swear,
There was just too much to bare.
~CMD
Brave The Dark - # 19 - 7/22/04
Why do I cry?
I only wanted to die,
But the decision wasn't mine,
Not then and not this time.
Why do I love?
All I needed was a push, a shove,
A sign from above,
Saying I'd be okay this time.
Why do I care?
You weren't there,
All I wanted was what's mine, isn't that fair?
Something for me this time.
Why do I write?
When no one has me in their sight,
Because they're afraid to leave the light,
So, I'll be alone this time.
Why do I want?
Someone who won't haunt,
Someone not twisted or gaunt,
This time.
Why do I need?
Can't I just bleed?
I've done the darkest deed,
But only this time.
Will no brave the dark for me?
~CMD
Last one...
Pain - # 23 - 7/25/04
[Pain hidden deep inside,
She won't let anyone see,
She fibs and she lies,
She's just like me,
She isn't so fine.]
Laying alone in her room,
Cuts bleed, wounds heal,
Playing with the gun she'll use soon,
They'll treat her badly, but she can deal,
Deal with pain,
Deal with guilt,
Deal with the cards that she's been dealt.
She can run,
She can hide,
He still catches,
He still finds,
Finds her, Finds me,
Finds what we didn't want him to see,
Something we tried to keep.
~CMD
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| Tears Fall Now |
[09 Aug 2004|03:08am] |
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mood |
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Nothing can explain it |
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music |
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MSI |
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Everything is my fault, I know this well
My life has come to a sudden hault, I tripped and I fell,
I want to move one, I want to let go,
I don't want any of my pain to show.
Writing this expresses this,
I know but I'm starting to stop caring,
And that's what scares me the fucking most,
So, I'm sorry but I have to stop sharing,
My thoughts, My fears,
I'm tired of having to tell people when the tears come,
And they run down my face,
So fucking give up on me,
and leave me fucking be.
That's the first poem I've ever written that doesn't all rhyme.
Too much fucking shit is going on in my life right now. I'm so...so...and...I don't know what to do. I really don't. I feel like crying but I won't. I feel like dying but I don't. I can't. There's too much left that's unsettled.
I've no intrest in hearing all the petty excuses. I've no intrest in a therapist. Don't bother.
~Her
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| Exhibit N |
[27 Jul 2004|08:04am] |
Is that a good thing? Madonna? o.o;
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| Exhibit L |
[27 Jul 2004|08:01am] |
But I'm not wearing shoes...
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| Exhibit J |
[27 Jul 2004|08:00am] |
How come Emmi didn't get punished?!
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| Exhibit I |
[27 Jul 2004|07:57am] |
With all the wootness!
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| Exhibit G |
[27 Jul 2004|07:56am] |
...But I do like sugar in my tea...well, my black tea...
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